PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 31: “For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching has become a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.” – Bill W.
Well, for the last day of this month, here is one of my favorite quotes by the man who wrote things that have changed the world for, literally, millions of people. This is, for me, the most important sentence he ever wrote. Although there are a few that I truly love, this one stands out for me…a guiding force in my recovery…because I have to do this deeply and thoroughly for the rest of my life. A practice that has kept me growing and changing the things that continue to cause problems in my life and relationships.
The patience required to continue to work these steps for a lifetime is not something to be taken for granted or considered lightly.
We do this thing, one day at a time, for a lifetime. There is no “arriving” around here. I have not ever stopped written inventories or written 8th and 9th steps, because I continue to find less than attractive aspects of my attitudes and behaviors that I do not want to live with. “More will be revealed” is an incredibly sad promise on those days that I feel weary of cleaning up another mess. The only good news with that is my tendency to make messes less often and to see my part more quickly; which gives me the benefit of having smaller messes as well.
I consider myself to be Happy, Joyous and Free…that is all I ever wanted…really! Now, I can give you a laundry list of men and clothes and cars and homes, travel, etc.; but that is not the way to find Happy, Joyous and Free. Actually, I find those things can often be distractions from that path.
So I am many of the things I did not know I was looking for in plates of Cocaine and bottles of booze. I was discontent, and today I can honestly say I am Content almost all of the time. When I am not, I have really great tools for getting there without jails and the horrors of drug and alcohol abuse. I was inadequate, and can totally tell you that today I am, and have been for some time, Adequate. I was so full of fear and terror; and right now, there is no fear keeping me awake at night or telling me lies that I listen to. I was socially retarded and now feel comfortable with others when there is a reason for me to socialize. This is still not my favorite thing, but with a reason to do so, I can and do.
All of those deficits and default settings of my personality have been changed. I can be trusted, I can be honest, I can be sober and free of intoxicants of all kinds, I can be honorable, I can be respectable and respected, I can be integral, I can be peaceful and calm, I can be filled with love and light and faith. I had none of these when I got here…what a rich and wonderful set of gifts have been brought into my life by this process…I feel truly blessed today!
Dolphin Hug 