July 29

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 29: “Those speak foolishly who ascribe their anger or their impatience to such as offend them or to tribulation. Tribulation does not make people impatient, but proves that they are impatient. So everyone may learn from tribulation how his heart is constituted.” ― Martin Luther

So many of us ascribe our anger and impatience to outside events or people. This is a huge part of the recovery process, as I witness it. There is no causal factor in anger or impatience. It is a perceptual issue for most of us.

And I do agree that the barometer of situations is a good indicator of who and how we are on the inside. There is a whole step devoted to our resentment and anger. And we are best known to be impatient and selfish, self-centered in the extreme. When we are focused only on our wants and desires and our sense of ‘gotta have it NOW’, we get quite ugly to be around.

I really enjoy the experience of watching someone else mirror this for me; because every time I see how ugly it is, I feel grateful for the lesson. I have been that self-important and rude to others in my life, and I want to stop doing it, because it makes me feel badly toward my behavior and attitude.

For me, this whole process of recovery is all about fitting myself to be useful to the Universe, in making me become comfortable with others, able to maintain and enjoy relationships with them. Not everyone is going to be my best friend, but I can stop screaming at people when they make a mistake or hurt my feelings or move too slow for me to tolerate. I have been that crazy person trying to make someone else drive the speed I want to go and getting all balled up when they don’t. This is not my best vision of myself.

There are a lot of people on this planet. We have to learn to live and let live with others, even those we don’t like…especially those we don’t like. I don’t have to put up with bullies or mean people who don’t treat me well, but I do have to get along with everyone. We are, none of us, entitled to any more or less than any other. There is no ruler that makes others more or less valuable or precious than me or you or you or you.

I used to practice letting at least one other person go ahead of me in traffic or in line at the store. This gave me a better feeling than when I tried to cut someone else off to be first. There is such a competitive edge to being first or beating someone else to the goal. What is it that we are trying to win? I have never known, yet I see this in myself and others all day, every day. So I have to actively work on practicing mindfully being more open with space and time. I set realistic goals for myself and allow plenty of time for everything.

I had a lot of trouble in the early days around here with this concept. Thankfully, I have worked through it to the degree that I am seldom late anywhere. It is a form of awareness that I am able to work with and be less arrogant about. My yoga practice speaks of non-stealing, which is a strong principle in the Vedic traditions. We steal from others when we are late or not prepared for a deadline.

This is another form of practicing mindful patience that I have had to really focus my work to gain. I can see why it offends others and find it less than who I want to be in the world today. I am grateful for those who continue to show me who I would like to most often be. The practice is continuous, at least, it is for me. I have not ‘arrived’ here. Long time recovery demands that I be more and more present to those things that are problematic in the world around me and my relationships with others.