July 15

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 15: “Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

I like the idea of a porous ego…where things come and go and nothing sticks or becomes overwhelmingly present. Open, open, open…yeah…that sounds great! Just when I think I am becoming less ego-centered, I find myself taking credit for some handiwork that wasn’t mine. I just finished a couple of weeks of redoing my little yard and changing up my gardens. Damned if I don’t take pictures of the amazing growing things in the yards and then try to say how “I” did it! Hahaha…like raising children or staying sober or anything else I do, this is a collaborative piece of work…I might dig and water and feed and weed, but I gotta sit still (patience!) and allow things to grow at their own pace and in their own way. I once read a story about a man who planted seeds and his impatience made him dig them up to see if they were sprouting…of course they never became anything, because that is not how it works. I plant the seeds and then watch to see what happens next. About ½ of the seeds do not develop or mature…variety of reasons, so I have no say over which ones do become plants. And the randomness can be problematic for me at times. I can complain about my garden, that does no good at all…I can will it into being, yeah, not so much! And no matter how great my tomatoes or squash plants have been in the past, there is nothing about that kind of fame that will give my garden incentive to grow this year! So I plant the seeds and wonder and wait. I tried a new plant this year that I had not planted before, a whole new kind of squash…yikes! It is a gigantic thing with BIG squash on it…supposed to be delicious…I am always surprised by new things I try. So this analogy of the garden is where I learn to be present and to practice the principles of patience in solitude. Other opportunities are in the world, with people and their behaviors, but the important practice is always going to be with myself. If I can allow my process to unfold in its own time and in its own way, I have learned to be patient. And I get better all the time. I love this deal and what it teaches us…and I love to write about it and to share it. Doing these things keeps me focused on what I am writing about and continually challenges me to examine my thoughts, my beliefs and to remember the lessons that have come in this time around here. I want to be deeply mindful of these things. Like many of our human race, I have a tendency to focus on the bright and shiny or sensational, which leads (for me) to great disappointment, a strong sense of inadequacy, a strong sense of lack and a tremendous amount of fear! So when I spend time here, focused on what I am doing to become a better ME and find words to talk about these things, my focus is shifted for that moment and sometimes I can carry it with me all day. I cannot say how many times I say in the course of a day, “wow! I was writing about that today!” What we focus on grows, so I want to stay in the principles and the gratitude of my life right now and watch the amazing and miraculous continue to unfold!