July 12

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 12: “Our patience will achieve more than our force.”  — Edmund Burke

My most impactful sponsor used to tell me: “When in doubt, do nothing.” I am the kind of person who is into action as soon as I think I have an answer to a problem, question or a new thing I need to do. Sometimes it is best left alone, so that the perfect method to achieve the end is unfolded in my life. I am here to say that there is little for me to “do” most of the time. I am always learning more about “being” in this world. A friend asked me to address the dynamic conflict of sitting still and sloth. This is so hard for Western culture because of our insistence on going, going, going. My alignment with Eastern teachings is primarily the idea that I have nothing to “do” except sit still in silence before any action takes place. My practice today is to sit for 10-15 minutes with a gratitude letter I write every single morning…then to do 10-15 minutes of journaling about whatever comes, freestyle writing-letting it flow…then I sit in silence for 15-30 minutes, with no timer and (most often) no need to jump up and do anything. (okay, okay, the next question I hear all the time…yes! I do get up to use the restroom first, I am an older woman with all the bladder issues that entails!) But this routine has changed my life…I have played with it over the years, trying to make it all happen after I get up, but that does not work. I have found that it really jumpstarts my day in the right direction. This is not sloth, and I do have things to do in almost every day after I get up from the cushion. But I put this first on the priority list and do not do my life the way I used to…jumping out of bed after sleeping later than I should have and running around because I am late for whatever is going on. The mad dash to get ready to run out the door and drive like I can make up for lost time is no longer part of my life…then I would do all the things I should have done before I left while sitting on the freeway or driving to work. I spent so much of my life like this…and it was not happy for me. I was drinking tons of coffee and always edgy and jittery and smoking tons of cigarettes, all to make myself “GO!” instead of Be. The shift has taken me some time to work out, and I have so many fewer demands on my life…interesting how I have been able to let go of them when my priorities shift…the piece about sloth is this: I know who is running my life; there are things that need to be done in my world, but I do not tell myself the same things that I used to about that…the story has changed. I have to shower and get dressed and work out and work and do all the things I have ever done; I am just not racing around like I once did. I am not going to do things today in preparation for tomorrow. I do only what is in front of me…a new phrase I have coined and am using is to “eat only what is on my plate today”; this is because I can drive myself crazy trying to “fix” the things in my life or in my persona that appear to me to be broken. Anxiety is created when I am living into any part of life that is not in front of me right now. Our culture is all about worrying about tomorrow and straining to control our anxiety and fear by making decisions and choices that are not yet ours to make. The morning sitting keeps me in the moment, keeps me focused on what today is for and all about. I can only work out for today…I cannot pile up 3 workouts so that I can take the rest of the week off. When I have work to do, I put it into my day, when I don’t, I don’t. And I work to keep myself focused on what I can do today and where I can be of service to others. I don’t fret about next week or next month or next year or even the end of the day. Chuck C. talked about how he would outline his plan for the day and then let his Higher Power know that he expected intervention if there was another plan that he should know about. I love that and have worked to live like that. Today I mostly do. I let you do what you need to do and don’t need to participate. When I have others in my life who want to make plans and arrange things for a specific outcome, I let them; but I choose most often to not participate. If it is meant to happen, I do not need to force the issue. I do what is in front of me, but do not borrow things that are not there. I need a great deal less money and have a great deal less stress when I “live in expectation of the Will of the Universe”, to paraphrase Chuck C.’s plan. We like to be busy, running hither and yon, doing, doing, doing…most of it empty and unsatisfying. Today I will sit quietly and be and be and be, with a great deal more actually accomplished and completed than when I tried to whip myself and my life into shape. The truth is, I have no idea what my life is supposed to look like…it is probably better to leave it alone!