July 9

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 9: “Inner peace is impossible without patience. Wisdom requires patience. Spiritual growth implies the mastery of patience. Patience allows the unfolding of destiny to proceed at its own unhurried pace.” ― Brian L. Weiss

These things are now becoming clearer to me than they were in those first years around here. I read something today online, a person had posted that they would love to turn on the news and see that there was “Peace on Earth”. My first thought was, “there is!” And then I realized what a difference there is in my mind and heart today. We all believe it is something that should be imposed from without before we can recognize it within. I am peaceful, no matter how many others are at war, no matter how many others are angry or shooting each other, no matter what conflicts arise in the world around me. I truly believe the notion that this, too, is an inside job. What a great piece of inspiration for me today! I do not know when I first knew this…I know I was made consciously aware of it this morning, in a new and wonderful context. The ability I have developed for sitting with myself, no matter what is going on around me takes me by surprise almost every day. I sit whether it is noisy or quiet in my home, in my neighborhood, in my head. I sit because I am patient enough to let the outside stuff NOT be a part of my inner dialogue. This is amazing! I am so surprised when I realize this is what is going on with ME…the craziest person I ever, ever knew! So there is hope for those of you who are less crazy…always hope. I know that there is much to do and far to go, but the progress so far surprises me the most. I really hoped you guys were talking truth when you said this would happen if I did such and such…however, I was incredibly dubious. I am still dubious when I walk through the world and see myself having such a different role than what I thought I would play. I never believed I would stop running with outlaws and NEVER believed I would stop being so angry and wanting to do such crazy shit as what I did for the first half of my life. This is astonishing! I am so grateful that I have been able to stick this out, the gifts of giant grace that allow me to live like this internally. Most of you know how many times I have shifted my address externally…that is not a sign of restlessness, but of being untied to any sort of judgment about the benefits of material stability. I cannot imagine what is coming next in this journey, but I am happy to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy the wondrous rewards of the work so far. My meditations for the last couple of days have been very powerful…I feel that I am going to a deeper place than I have been before. This is very exciting, and kind of scary. I am always a bit alarmed when there is another layer to explore…the same old idea comes to me that I may not like who or what is there. What if I meet that Universal Power and I know it to be a fraud? What if I find out I am a fraud? On and on it goes…interesting that it has never changed after all this time. I just laugh and allow it to go on until it runs out of steam. And then I get to be patient with the unfolding…it is awesome! Step 7 has been working me since I was about 5 months into this deal. I am always willing (Step 6), but the truth is, this stuff has to be removed from me. If I could do it, I would have done it all a long time ago. Today I am happy to just know that my humanity will keep me from walking on water, but the progress is spectacular!