June 29

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 29: “Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in my heart, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.” ― Andrew Murray

This is a prayer I have had somewhere close enough to read every day since I first read “Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers” in 1988. It defines humility for me in concrete ways that were really difficult to comprehend at that time. I understood the concepts, just could not imagine being able to live up to them. I still have the original copy I wrote out in calligraphy (my 80s thing!). I cannot say how many times I have read it, but it always brings me comfort. I am not sure why, but my personality has always been that I can have 5000 friends, but the one person with whom I am not getting along will be the one that I am focusing all of my attention toward…anyone else like that? I am not sure if that is human nature or part of the “ism” from which I strive to recover. I just know that this is a great piece for me to read when I am suffering through that time. I guess Dr. Bob had this over his desk in Akron, so I wanted it too. I think I would have loved Dr. Bob. Everything I have heard and read about him and his wife appeals to me. Not so sure about Bill W. I think there are a couple of those types in my life already and they are challenging because they are so much like myself. I have worked hard to shift that energy in a different direction. Today it is working. Anyway, most of the time I have perfect quietness of heart. I am very energetic and easily stirred up into being excited about life, but not in ways that are painful for me, and I hope, for others. And I love my alone time more than I can say. Most of the folks I meet around this deal are so uncomfortable being alone with themselves! I do not understand. I have rebuilt all of my gardens this past week and have had so much fun doing it! All the things that stir my heart the most are solo things…although I enjoy sharing them with others. But I have become my own best friend. This is an important transition, because I don’t have to chase things and running around doing activities to keep myself busy all the time. In fact, I am quite peaceful with what is present in my life right now. I read and crochet and hike and work out and do my yoga and meditation…and cooking and having a pretty balanced life…writing, work, etc. and the stuff I do to stick around here. My favorite word right now is “content”… I am perfectly and gloriously content! Wow…for a “chronic malcontent” as the BB calls us, I am happy to report that I am fully content today…no complaints…not the weather or my bank balance or my weight or the upcoming election…none of that is driving my emotional train today. WOW! What a great thing this is! And I am happy to say that I have been feeling content for a couple of weeks now. And other than a few days spent spinning like a top over issues out of my control, I have been mostly content for the last year or so…this is awesome! So I will keep doing what I am doing, because I am loving what I am getting!