June 2

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 2: “Sorrow is humbling. I want my pain to be fabulous. I don’t need my pain to be worse than anyone else’s; I just want it to be strangely, uniquely mine. Art to someone else’s breakdown.” — Thea Hillman

We all know sorrow and grief and pain. We cannot compare ours to anyone’s, because they are not going to look the same. What devastates me may not break you the same way. I acknowledge those things that have brought me to my knees. And I know that being there gave me humility that nothing else could have. When I own my pain and I see why it is there for me, I get to see that I am often working on another delusion. Life is full of pain when I believe in the strength of my own convictions versus what I have no power to control. (Which is everything!) People may talk about how our choices make our lives, but I do believe in a certain amount of inevitability with the Universe. Many things just ARE. I cannot stop the waves on the ocean, nor can I control their size or how often they come into the shore. If I try to stand in the way of them, I most likely will suffer some form of physical pain in the process. In my life, I have been humbled by recognizing the Victim stance I lived with for so many years. I became angry and resentful behind what was done to me by others. What it took me many years to understand is that; Yes, these things were painful and wrong. But, when I see how they taught me to be who I am and gave me the gifts of empathy and understanding with others, I see the purpose for these tremendous gifts I have been given. Learning to own myself and this story, with gratitude and love, have been my greatest journey so far. So I no longer have pain around those particular issues. It is my daily challenge to step away from the victim stance when life does what life is wont to do….be life! There is no Universal scheme to cause me discomfort or pain. Anything that does needs to be examined to see if, perhaps, my thinking about the situation may be the real cause of my pain. This has happened nearly 90% of the time (I probably need to address the other 10% for more opportunity to see my part!) Life, I have learned, is not painful. It is my resistance to life that creates my pain. I recognize this in Step 1 when I learn to accept everything. I don’t have to like it or understand it, but I MUST accept it. To the extent that I am fighting what IS, my pain escalates. I need to find the place where I can embrace and learn from my pain. Its teachings are all I need to bring into my consciousness and day-to-day world. I have not found any pain too great to bear, nor have I found that my pain is any greater or lesser than anyone’s. What I do know is that there are souls on this planet whose lives are unbearably sad, and I wish to alleviate their sadness and pain however and whenever I can. Most of the time, I am only able to sit with them and bear witness to their joy and their pain and their sorrow. We all resist things that we are not sure how to navigate. Most of the time, these are the inevitabilities of life, death and sickness are the two that most of us suffer with…and we ALL get to go there. I have found that, for me, embracing the inevitability of these two things has brought me a greater peace. Living with the certainty of them has given me a new and more powerful gratitude for the moments where they do not be a part of my day. When we fear one thing, I have found it beneficial to celebrate the thing NOT being there, even if for only a moment. That makes my todays much better! And it keeps me humble, because these are the things over which I have no power anyway. Humility and gratitude, for me, are the keys to being in this moment and happy in most of my moments. I LOVE THIS SHIT!