May 31

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 31: “Don’t let yourself be weighed down by what other people think, because in a few years, in a few decades, or in a few centuries, that way of thinking will have changed.  Live now what others will only live in the future.  — Paulo Coelho

For much of my life, I have gone down roads ahead of my peer group, doing things they are not doing. I have always been the person who is willing to try new things, explore new concepts, adventure into areas that are yet unmapped by many. So I love this! I walk a very lonely road most of the time, because it is one that others do not yet see or know about. That is mostly okay with me, except those times when I would rather have some companionship. What I know is the lonely road is what all of us end up on eventually. I have the tendency, along with many of my recovering friends, to perceive things in ways that are interesting. For example, when I say that my road is lonely, my perception is that others do not suffer from the loneliness that I do. By this, I mean that I see others with families and spouses or long-term relationships with partners; and I perceive that they are less lonely than am I. However, I do know that there is always a deep sense of loneliness inside us, even when we are in the midst of crowds of people. So this perception, on my part, may be faulty. I have learned in this recovery process to always question what I perceive to be so. Then I can be more open and empathic to others. We all walk a lonely road at times, so I cannot believe that I am the only one; I think this comes from that part of my ego that wants to separate me from my fellows. It lies to me in these ways and I have been guilty of buying into those lies. I do know, however; that I do not live to please others as I once did. And I do this less every day. I have learned that it does not make me happy and never has and never will truly please anyone else. Sometimes that future Mr. Coelho is speaking of is only a few hours or days away. What I do to please you this morning can change by this afternoon. And then I am stuck unhappy and so are you. I can see the benefit in living to make myself comfortable with who I am, because then my integrity will make me a happier person. And when I walk with integrity and honor through this world, I attract other integral and honorable people into my experience, which is the goal to begin with. I want to be with others who do not need me to be less integral to satisfy some need in them. That dynamic drives us all over the cliff and no one is truly ever satisfied. Since I know I am often ahead of the group in lifestyle choices, I want to do it in ways that truly speak to them of recovery and integrity and honor and the journey of my spirit through this 12-step process. That is what I devote my time and life to doing today.