May 28

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 28: “I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it.” ― Cesar Millan

Right now, I have a friend visiting with her teeny, tiny dog. He is a puppy and completely intent on all things puppies do. So I chose this quote for his benefit today. Because I see his integrity in being all that he is, with absolutely no pretense and no artifice. He does not pretend to be a bird or a dolphin or a cat. Animals have always been my greatest teachers, along with Nature, because it is beautiful and perfect. Even when we have broken the cycles of Nature, she is kind and supports our lives in beautiful ways. I love this! There is no deception or lack of integrity with Nature or with animals. They inform me and teach me how to be only that which I am and how not to pretend to be other and to play games to manipulate or gain mastery over others. The ways of the world of man are often difficult to navigate with integrity, because we bump up against others and their agendas and have our own agendas. This creates so much friction and trouble, because we don’t tell each other what these agendas are, nor do we discuss the roles we need for them to play, or our roles with them; because we are mostly unaware of all of it! So this process of becoming familiar with who we are and how we walk through the world is eye-opening and powerful because it is so new and different to examine what our motivation is for being in relationship with others. I really love dogs and cats and other animals, with a very few exceptions. Not very fond of snakes or rats, but the rest of the animal kingdom is pretty welcome in my world. I love what they teach. When I bring people into the equation, the challenges begin, because all of the dynamics in my life are brought into question. I get to see the defenses I present and the reasons behind what I believe about the world. I get to examine the rules I created so many years ago. A great speaker once spoke about old ideas and his sponsee. This young man had worked his entire career to gain a position with a company for which he worked. As he was given the opportunity to have that position, he had to cut his hair to make it work. He began to have heavy anxiety about that haircut and had to work for hours with his sponsor to see how he had come to the conclusion, as a small child, about how big his ears were. During this time, both men discussed the idea of his ears being particularly large, and the falseness of the idea. A great example of how he was letting an old idea destroy his life at the age of 40! Because he believed what he did about his ears (which, according to the speaker, were neither particularly large, nor noticeable!); he was torn between accepting his dream job and leaving his hair long enough to cover his ears! We do this all the time! We destroy jobs, relationships, careers, and all kinds of things behind ideas that do not serve us and haven’t since we began to use them. We have developed defense mechanisms that are designed to keep us safe when we are 2 or 3 (the appropriate age to do this!) and keep using them at the age of 30, 40, or 50; when they really aren’t! Steps 4 and 5 help us uncover these old ideas and beliefs about life and set those things down, in order to open up to the world around us and accept the amazing benefits that are coming in recovery.