INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 27: “Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of “just this once.” ― Clayton M. Christensen I have said this so many times. It is always because it serves me in some way that is not necessary, but something that I would like. I learn this again and again. If I tell myself that I want to do this or that thing, go to this or that event, or have this or that experience, I can somehow justify things that do not really feed me. There is always a payoff. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, I am not willing to live with the costs. And I find that the event, experience or whatever is often unsatisfying. I will do things with people I don’t really want to spend time with because they sound like fun, then find that I don’t enjoy it nearly as much as I think I will. This is a constant pattern I have seen in my life. Why? Because I don’t really always want to be around people in social settings. I don’t truly enjoy them the way that I somehow convince myself I will. I really enjoy some of them, just being with people I truly respect and admire or enjoy. That is not always the case. So I have to be more mindful of those experiences that I put myself into. There are things that I really believe in and things that I think I like. Then I learn, again and again, that there is little or no truth to these things I tell myself or believe. It is more important to fill my life with those things that truly feed my spirit, rather than manufactured ways of spending my time. Like, a long walk (even alone) on the beach is much better food for my soul than a day at Disneyland. Oh yeah! Perhaps it is my age, but I am less inclined to do things that are overwhelming and intense. I prefer peaceful and calm and soothing. Sometimes I enjoy the energy of a thing because it brings me something in the experience I may have missed otherwise. Most of the time, I just enjoy the things that come from my love of the natural world. But I do know that while this quote speaks of infidelity and dishonesty, I am too; but in different ways. I can only practice fidelity to my soul, as well as honesty. When I trick me, I feel the repercussion and I do not like it! These are also shortcuts to pleasures that I feel I am missing somehow in my solitude and quiet lifestyle. I find that they are deeply untrue, and am glad when I do this less and less often to trick myself…”Just this once.”

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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